To my knowledge I was the first EMDR Therapy trainer and author to “come out” as a person living with dissociative identities. And not in that “it’s a thing of my past” way. Yes, I was diagnosed with what we now call OSDD in 2004 by a skilled EMDR therapist. I also experienced a resurgence of symptoms that rendered me “functionally impaired” by DSM standards for a time in 2016. I’ve not met diagnostic criteria for a dissociative disorder since then. My recovery was empowered post-2016 because I no longer tried to feign “integration,” especially as so many of the self-proclaimed experts describe it. I embraced a recovery path that is now called functional multiplicity of plurality.
Recovery for me has meant accepting my parts as they are and allowing them to communicate with each other. Not being ashamed of the way my mind works has been a major help in this process. Ditching the shame narrative was a major intention behind my coming out publicly in 2018. Another intention was my concern about the way I had historically heard and continued to hear dissociation and people with DID/OSDD talked about in the EMDR community, even by trainers. If you are unfamiliar with my work and the story of why I came out you can check out this piece I did for Psychotherapy Networker in 2023.
Because of my public visibility, many clinicians who have been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder or otherwise identify as plural come to me with their horror stories about what they’ve experienced in training. As I am on the cusp of transitioning away from offering formal EMDR Therapy basic training and returning back to my more rebellious EMDR roots, I wanted to use this piece as an opportunity to share some of what I’ve heard over the years. I will discuss some of the problematic reports, some of what went well for clinical trainees who experience dissociation, and then offer some suggestions for best practices. My hope is that if you are reading this as a trainer, you will be open-minded and open-hearted in conducting some self-evaluation along the way. The comments that I share in this piece are from members of a support space that I facilitate for EMDR therapists with plural or dissociative experiences. Any therapist cited by their full name gave me permission to share their name. Contributors choosing to use a first-name pseudonym also gave consent for their comments to be used.
Troubling Experiences
One of the most significant complaints I hear is that training organizations, both EMDRIA-approved and independent training entities, ask for participants to screen themselves out of the training if they have a dissociative disorder. The standard of eligibility can be black-and-white, and no accommodations are offered to work with a trainee who might have a dissociative disorder diagnosis. And as more of us are coming out and choosing not to hide, the EMDR training community will need to take a deeper look at such outdated policies if we are serious about being accommodating.
Melissas Parker, an EMDR therapist from the United States shared, “In order to access EMDR training, we had to sign a form verifying that we didn’t have a dissociative disorder. So, we asked a system member who definitely doesn’t have DID to sign off for us. We weren’t out yet, as we were pre-licensed and working in community mental health, so we didn’t say anything.The training itself was, perhaps unsurprisingly, very dissociation-phobic. Refer out was the go to intervention for dissociation. Seriously.”
Emily, an EMDR therapist from Australia, offers her experience: “I did my training in 2022 through a reasonably well-known organization recommended by my employer. The first couple days were underwhelming but the real kicker was that just before the practical, the trainer said something to the effect of “obviously if anyone here were traumatized, we’d do a lot more preparation before this, but you’re all therapists so I don’t think there’s many that would apply to.” I was a baby therapist in my first year of practice and still blissfully unaware that I was meeting criteria for a dissociative disorder but even I knew this was a red flag. I didn’t have the confidence to say anything, did the practical, and unsurprisingly got knocked around by it (which, even less surprisingly, he was wildly ill-equipped to deal with). It was on a subsequent day of training in the same course that I realised I had a dissociative disorder, thanks to his 1 minute summary of OSDD (“basically just DID but without amnesia”). The trainer has been running EMDR trainings for over a dozen years! Beggars belief how many therapists have been accredited through him and are now wandering around contributing to the misinformation machine.”
Gisele Harrison, a Canadian EMDR therapist who now works as a trainer, opened up about her experience with needing to “fake it” to get through an EMDR training. She states, “In 2020 I re-did basic training when I decided to become a consultant. During one of the practicums a trainee was completing Fraser’s Dissociative Table with me. I talked about a younger 3-year old part (a part I was very familiar with). She was/is carefree, confident, funny, expressive. The trainee asked if she was present for the trauma to which I said “no.” She said to the observer that she didn’t know what to do. This was an online training. A facilitator came and they talked out loud about not proceeding until they could find a way for that young 3-year old to be aware of the traumas I had survived. I clearly said I was really good with that part remaining carefree. I honestly don’t remember the entire fiasco except that I felt pathologized and shamed and the other two trainees and the facilitator seemed concerned about me and my ability to continue. At some point I lied and pretended that young part was now fully aware of the traumas the rest of my system experienced. During that training we were told not to talk directly to parts as this would “grow the dissociation.” There were many things we were told by the trainer that felt wrong to me. It was a really crummy experience and I am grateful for the system that is me that succeeded in protecting that 3-year old part.”
Lindsay, another US-based therapist, shares her insights: “Overall, the training was not too horrible, but it was DEFINITELY dissociation phobic. We were warned over and over to use the Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES) and “refer or defer” EMDR for anyone that even smelled of dissociation. At the time, I thought my dissociation was “resolved,” thanks to a kind, but misinformed therapist and my own ignorance, and definitely was NOT out. That being said, EMDR simply did not work for me. The environment was too public and too threatening, and the parts of me that held my emotions absolutely refused to have anything to do with being vulnerable enough to show up. I faked my way through the pair’s work, amazed that I was able to help my partner while absolutely nothing was happening for me.”
Marija, an EMDR Therapist who trained in Europe, began EMDR Part I training after two years of her own EMDR therapy. Before that, on the advice of her therapist, she was in contact with her EMDR trainer who was also a practicum supervisor for the training. Marija notes, “That trainer gave me the opportunity to take good care of myself during the course and to notice whether anything might trigger me. For the practicum, for example, I was allowed to make sure that, in the client role, a resource exercise was done with me instead of working through a memory. In Part II, I again spoke with the institute beforehand. However, the supervisor who led my group in the practicum said that this was of no interest to him: everyone has to do every exercise! He then addressed, in front of my small group, the reasons why I had been in contact with the institute. This made me feel very ashamed and insecure, and as a result, overall, much less was possible in the practicum for me than had been the case with the agreements made in Part I.”
More Affirming Experiences
When I established the Institute for Creative Mindfulness in 2015, I endeavored to welcome all clinicians, especially those with dissociative experiences and other manifestations of complex trauma who might feel misunderstood or even rejected at most EMDR Therapy trainings. It can be difficult to be fully accommodating in the rigid structure and curriculum guidelines that EMDRIA asks their trainers to follow. Still, I find that welcoming trainees with dissociative systems can be done with the right intention to be accommodating and having an amazing team of facilitators who also carry a similar positive attitude towards accommodations and acceptance.
Monika Ostroff, a graduate of the ICM program from the United States who trained with me personally, explains how our training team cultivated such an environment. She says, “The fact that dissociation was so normalized coupled with how we were shown over and over again that EMDR can easily be used with clients who have dissociative experiences/DI, while being able to show up authentically as ourselves (e.g. simply being allowed to acknowledge our diagnosis) created an empowering and respectful learning experience rooted in principles of social justice….In essence, we got to show up authentically, without having to worry about others automatically assuming limitations just based on our diagnosis alone. What a GIFT that is! And really, shouldn’t that be the norm across the board? Yet, we know it is not and that it was a great privilege, for which we are incredibly grateful.”
Callie, who trained with an ICM trainer other than me, offered, “I wouldn’t have done EMDR training if ICM hadn’t offered it with full acceptance and welcoming of DID clinicians. Being able to be authentic is crucial to my practice, therefore it stands to reason we’d prefer a teaching where we can be ourselves and learn authentically.”
Lindsay, who shared about her experience with a training organization in the previous section, noted a specific aspect of her training (with an organization other than ICM) that she found helpful. She recalls, “The continuum of reprocessing (EMDR vs. EMDr vs. EMD) was helpful. Almost all of my clients at that time had complex trauma, and I was able to use this concept to approach major traumas with a far gentler touch. I think the effectiveness had more to do with my own instinct than his approach, but the trainer did give me a framework that was helpful.”
Helpful Solutions
Several members of the group who responded to my request for their shared experiences offered a mix of feedback and useful solutions for trainers.
Monika, whose comments also appear in the previous section, goes into some technical specifics about what she found helpful. She remembers, “When it came time to practice, we appreciated the guidance to choose something present day, which is less likely to tap into something too deep from a system standpoint. When we did run into a little glitch, our facilitator (who also has dissociative experiences) handled it with compassionate curiosity and the very best sense of humor, while easily getting things back on track. It was a moment that provided insight for us as well as the rest of the cohort observing. Just sharing that as a small example of how wonderful it is when someone is not intimidated by a system and can simply think on their feet and use their experience to problem solve and coach. I do think, in another training where their mantra might be more “refer out, do not allow clinicians with DI to train” this inconsequential blip may very well have been blown out of proportion and perceived as evidence that we were incapable of completing the training and using the modality well. By contrast, in our training, the brief experience was simply grist for the learning mill and we all carried on. I received the training, skill and practice I needed to be able to go on to use the modality very well with clients.”
Christen Hansel, another US-based EMDR therapist, gives us this insight: “It’s complicated to go to a training for a modality that you do believe in, that you know helps so many people and that you expect will help your clients, while knowing that you’ve struggled to respond to it yourself. I feel like that with most trainings–I know the modality “works” for a lot of people, but not for me. And a lot of times in those initial trainings, it’s necessarily presented kind of simplistically and formulaically, and it’s easy to wrestle with feelings of personal failure all while you’re hoping it will make you a better therapist.
I think the biggest challenge is the practice sessions, when you have to play the client role. I think when you’re a system, it’s really hard to find a target to practice with that doesn’t interlock with traumas that you really don’t want to bring into this setting. And you’re being “practiced on” by someone who maybe hasn’t even seen EMDR done before. In my Part I training I had spoken with the trainers about my concerns about being a client, and still no trainer popped in the whole time I was being a client. I don’t mean that in a blaming way–I think there are not enough staff to really keep tabs on all the groups. I was actually saved because my partner was so completely unable to follow the written instructions that I had to guide her through helping me, and that kept me in the present moment enough to not be too distressed. It feels vulnerable and dangerous to be a person with a lot of trauma in the hands of someone who hasn’t had the chance to become competent, and yet I don’t know how else they would structure the need for everyone to practice. I think the only other things I would say, things that weren’t a problem in my EMDR training but I’ve noticed in general–trainers need to assume that there are clinicians who are systems in the training, and don’t say things about us that you wouldn’t say if you knew you were saying it to our faces. And second, that trainers should make it clear that it’s welcomed to disclose a diagnosis to trainers in order to figure out accommodations, without fear of being deemed unfit for the training.”
Best Practices
Especially as I am moving away from offering EMDR basic trainings in the coming year, confident that I have trained up many other dissociation-responsive trainers who can carry the torch, I am happy to share best practices for creating trainings that are welcoming of therapists with dissociative “disorders,” identities and experiences. I recognize that being an EMDR Therapy trainer can feel like an unforgiving task, as you are asked to juggle a great many things like teaching a prescribed curriculum, navigating liability, and tending to logistics of training set up. I hope that with enough collective commitment to being welcoming and accommodating, these practices can serve you well as trainers, not just in working with trainees with dissociative experiences, rather, in working with any trainee who comes to you with active mental health struggles.
- Dissociation is not a dirty word. Your attitude and approach is everything. Your trainees with dissociative experiences will pick up in a heartbeat if dissociation is something that scares you or intimidates you. I coined the phrase “dissociation phobia” in 2018 in this article that I would encourage you to check out first if you are unfamiliar with my work in this area, then consider reading Dissociation Made Simple: A Stigma-Free Guide to Embracing Your Dissociative Mind and Navigating Daily Life (2023).
- On Disclosure. In my informed consent for the training and welcome email, I invite trainees to disclose if they have a mental health status that might get in the way of them having the best possible experience at the training. I explain the practicum process and that they will be asked to do their own work. I invite, not require, trainees to let me know via email or a call if they see any reason why they might not be able to do the practicum, and I repeat this announcement on Day 1 of the training (both in-person and online). I never single out dissociative disorders. Trainees will come to me with a variety of potential roadblocks to doing the practicum, and we talk through their solutions or needs.
- Pro-Tip on Pairings. When two or more trainees disclose dissociative identities or experiences prior to the training, I ask if they would like to be paired with another trainee who has made a similar disclosure. The answer is usually yes because they feel they don’t have to explain how their mind works as part of the practicum, or try to hide it. The method usually works like a charm, as long as you pair them with a facilitator who is excellent at working with dissociation (or may be a dissociative system themselves). There can be great safety in a shared community.
- Have a Rock Star Team in Place. In any training that I offer, I attempt to ensure that at least one of my facilitators is “out” about their lived experience with dissociation. I expect any facilitator that I work with to be not just dissociation-competent, but also to have worked out any issues that they might have ever experienced with dissociation or parts phobia. When I am the lead trainer, I ensure that I do not facilitate a practicum group myself so that I can be available and on-call for my training team, and to “step in” in the event that a pairing or triad might find themselves in a tricky spot in need of some extra attention. I also make sure that my team meets collaboratively at the beginning and end of each training day while also staying in touch on group messages to respectfully discuss any needs that they might be identifying in trainees. During our daily meetings, I find our collaborative consultation as a team invaluable.
- Listen to People with Lived Experiences. A hallmark of my work is that the people with lived experiences of any condition are the real experts. If you have trainees with dissociative identities or other mental health conditions during their training, be open to their feedback, before, during, and after the training about what is working and what can be improved.
To further support Dr. Jamie’s independence writing, please consider checking out her Substack, “The Unicorn System.”
