We Are Held Screaming.

Alicia, a white woman wearing a grey outfit with hair back and tattoos, is dancing during the "share your practice" closing ceremony at the Redefine Therapy Expressive Arts Retreat at The Villa Maria in 2025
Author, Alicia Hann, performing at The Villa Maria during the Redefine Therapy Expressive Arts Retreat 2025. Photo by Jamie Marich.

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I couldn’t scream. 

Yet, there were those inside that wished they did. 

A little girl who wanted to scream 

But instead was still. 

Frozen with terror under a pink gingham comforter. 

A teen who wanted to scream

But instead was silent and good.

Starved and disappearing into black coffee and baggy clothes.

A young adult who wanted to scream

But instead stuffed and violently expelled food 

In isolation, on her knees, worshipping a porcelain bowl

All afraid of creating noise and causing chaos for others

Destruction turned inward

Wanting to forget

Creating pain that was tangible.

She cannot scream, she cannot speak her truth in words because

She is afraid of becoming ANGER

She has seen this happen

Flashes of phones being ripped off walls, doors slamming, a vacuum cleaner being thrown down a flight of stairs, cars peeling out of the driveway, police knocking on the door . . . 

The words we were never allowed to say

SEXUAL ABUSE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

ADDICTION

Today is different

Safe and in community

Today we allowed ourselves to be loved

To be supported

To be witnessed

To be LOUD

We released anger, we did not become it.

We did not break

We were held.

We are held screaming.

We are held weeping.

We are held in laughter and joy. 

We are held as we share our story. 

WE ARE HELD. 

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